


The Saga of Himbo

by krononan



Category: The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance (TV)
Genre: also this is horrible, and skekayuk gets thrown out a window into some water, ok i wrote this not sober..., so himbo gets monched on, so lets pretend we did, tbh i just find the word himbo very funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 06:23:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20961941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krononan/pseuds/krononan
Summary: Basically, I was really stoned and thought it would be funny to write a story about a gelfling named Himbo who just really is having a bad day. The skeksis are trying their first round of gelfling meat, and skekAyuk wants to serve them the perfect gelfling. Nothing goes to plan.





	The Saga of Himbo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CollisionTheory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CollisionTheory/gifts).

> Ok so this is not my normal tone of writing or anything I was just laughing about the word himbo with some friends on a vc and then wrote this monstrosity. Also Space and Michael are my muses apparently.

“Roast the Himbo!” 

I smiled at the attentive skeksis around me. The podlings that normally brought the food were trembling in fear before us. The sight was almost as tantalizing as the meal I’d prepared. I looked at the sack where I’d put Himbo, our sacrificial gelfling. I’d chosen him because he’d looked the most tasty out of the gelfling in the castle. Also because he was the first one to fall for my tricks. 

They all roared with excitement for my beautiful creation. 

“We shall feast on gelfling!” I screamed, thrashing my head back and forth. The motion created beautiful flapping in my turkey gobble. The other skeksis crowed in approval. 

“Delicious meal from skekAyuk,” Chamberlain said to me with his terrible whine. 

“Mind yo fuckin business,” I snapped back

I gestured for the podlings bring Himbo forth. He was still asleep, somehow. I had kidnapped him earlier that day, but he was still asleep. Useless gelfling, I thought. Just as the podlings arrived with the cart, Himbo began to stir. 

“Huh? This isn’t my bed,” he said.

I froze in horror as he pulled the bag off his head. For a gelfling, he was certainly less ugly than his kind usually was. The blonde in his hair contrasted horribly against his tan skin. I started screaming with terror. Again I flapped my jowls, but in terror this time. He blinked at me for a bit, before looking around. Seeing the various eating utensils and platters must’ve startled him, because he began to run away. 

“No, Himbo! Come back here! Bad Himbo!”

Himbo ignored me and continued to run. 

“NOOOO! HIMBO!”

The other skeksis lamented in dismay as the gelfling ran away from me. I had no choice. I had to pursue him. 

“HIMBOOOOOOO!”

He clambered on top of the table and began to run along it. My brothers and sisters were lunging forward trying to get him. I trotted along beside, but he was too fast. I could feel my feet tangle in the beautiful robes I wore. He was running just ahead, but Chamberlain had stood at the end of the table. 

“Pleaseeee, gelfling, come back to table, yes? So gelfling and skeksis can have meal together?”

Himbo looked confused. I couldn’t blame him. I was also often confused when skekSil was talking. For a moment, I thought that he was going to stop, but he didn’t! I watched him kick kick skekSil in his smug face and flee into the tunnels. Chamberlain shrieked and fell to the floor. The rest of the skeksis gathered around him. I rolled my eyes. Smug Chamberlain. He was thrashing and screaming, and the Emporer rose to his feet and pointed a gnarled finger down the passageway. 

“After him! Get Himbo! This disrespect must be punished!”

“Traitorous gelfling! Grievously injured, Chamberlain is!”

I watched as the Ritual Master took a fat rip from his bong. He nodded over the table.

“I like this gelfling. It has,” he paused to lick the edges of his beak, “ _ Vigor. _ ”

I was filled with anger as I hiked up my skirts to chase after the gelfling. I relished the opportunity to impress the Emperor, and I needed to show others the wonder of gelfling meat. 

“Himbo! Gelfling! Come back!”

I ran at a full sprint through the halls. I was sweating, panting and my feet were sore from running. I could see him running in the dark. His scent was easy to track, so bold, so delightful. I was bouncing with every step, my skirts and belly flopping around. 

He was just out of my reach. Each time I lunged forward to get him, he would run out of the way. In fact, he almost looked like he was walking. 

“Silly gelfling!”

I remembered the weapon I had brought with me. I pulled out the butter knife I was using earlier and brandished it at him.

“I demand you stop!”

He didn’t stop.

“I command you! As your lord!”

The impudent whelp didn’t even look back. I continued down the long arduous chase. He managed to stay just ahead of me. I tripped on the fabric of the skirt. I tumbled to the ground. What injustice! The gelfling would pay for this.

By the time I was back on my feet, he was gone. I dusted off my voluptuous robes and straightened myself out. Well, I tried my best, as it were. Who knew that gelfling could have such fight. This “Himbo” must be very special. I resolved myself to get to the horns, at least. After this, I would need a great snack. Perhaps I would make myself some more roasted gelfling, just for me. I deserved it after such a dangerous night.

I made the painful journey to the horn. The night was already down, and I knew that I would never find Himbo by myself. I needed help. skekMal would help. I hoped he would. As I cranked the horn I could see the ripple in the trees. Daddy was coming. 

Mal arrived with a thump. He stalked up to me with a growl.

“What do you want, fat one?”

I reeled back and huffed.

“I am portulent, thank you very much.”

He rolled his eyes and I laughed at his ignorance. Only a simpleton would call me fat. My form is indicative of happiness. 

“Find me a fuckin’ gelfling, asshole.”

Mal scowled and snatched the bag that had been on Himbo’s head from my hand.

“Is this the one?”

“You think I would bring you something else, dickhead?”

He snorted and said nothing. Instead he took a big sniff of the head bag and grabbed a hold of my sleeve. So dramatic, sometimes. I squawked and flailed as he shoved me off the side of the Castle of the Crystal. I knew then that I would die that day. It was obvoius, the first skeksis-on-skeksis murder in countless trine. The most beloved and revered of all the skeksis, me. My murder at the hands of my greatest rival, skekMal.

“NOOOOOO!” I screamed as I fell through the air. What I had forgotten was that there was water. 

What skekMal had forgotten was that I couldn’t swim. Which I was also reminded of. 

“skekMal! Help! Anyone! I’m too bootylicious to die!”

I was surprised as he swam out of nowhere and dragged me as I cried back to the shore. 

“Stop being a little bitch, skekAyuk.”

I tried to stop sniffling as he bodily threw me onto the shore. 

“Get up. We’ll find this gelfling. Tonight.”

“Why, why? Why me? I’m a good fuckin skeksis. I stay in my lane, I cook for everyone. What more could you want?”

“I thought that I told you to stop being such a little bitch.”

I cried. 

Again.

It was a rough night.

He walked away without another word. I scrambled to follow him, water dripping from my robes like blip blip blip. 

“Whatever skekTek says, he’s wrong.  _ I  _ am incontrovertibly the most abused creature in all of Thra.”

skekMal was ignoring me. 

“What a travesty, this whole night.”

He said nothing.

“Whatever shall I do now? Himbo was the perfect gelfling.”

Eventually after walking, he crouched to the ground and dragged me with him.

“If you don’t shut up, I will end your pathetic existence with my teeth.”

I trembled and nodded quickly. The movement jostled my jowls. 

“Yeah, I got it, you prickly jackwagon.”

skekMal pointed to the gate to the castle, where I could see a small gelfling head bobbing away. The perfect head for roasting, fleeing from me again! I took after him with my special portly gait. Again, I almost tripped, but saved myself out of sheer determination. My prize! My meal! 

As I ran, I felt a shadow behind me. I turned to see skekmal, barely even jogging with a wicked grin on his face under his mask. 

“My Himbo! skekMal, you can’t!”

It did not deter him as he grabbed a handful of my luscious clothing with an evil smile. He pulled, throwing me backward behind him as he trounced the gelfling.

“No, skekMal! We’re brothers!”

He held Himbo’s entire head in his hand. Himbo was flailing around, running on thin air as if that would get him anywhere. His tiny hands scrambled against skekMal’s gargantuan fingers as skekMal cackled. 

“Brothers, Schmuthers, loser!” 

He lifted up Himbo’s screaming tiny body like ramen noodles. My heart broke like a raw egg cracked on top of rice as I watched Himbo flail. My perfect snack gelfling, snackling if you will, was going to be gone, at the hands of someone who wouldn’t even appreciate it! skekMal had no taste, no fine spices and absolutely no idea what he was wasting. In my hands, Himbo could be glorious. Instead, I was going to lose him to this dingle headed ding dong who didn’t know paprika from crack. 

I cringed as Himbo screamed from the force of skekMal chewing on his leg. Ridiculous waste of quality ingredients. He hadn’t even filleted him yet. 

The rest of the scene was similar to a snake eating a bird’s egg. For the bird, it was it’s precious offspring destined to carry out their legacy. For me, it was  _ my  _ legacy. What an absolute travesty. After he had finished, Mal simply spat out some bone shards at my feet and left. I collected them for... _ future implementations _ and returned to the castle.

Chamberlain and the Emperor sneered and demanded another. However, I knew that there would never be another, could never be another. Only Himbo. 


End file.
